Over the weekend our blender died. Considering I use it almost every day for frappes, smoothies and slushies among other things, it is not surprising we wore out the blender. I went and picked out a new blender and glanced over the operating instructions just to make sure there wasn’t something unique about it.

It all looked pretty straight forward. However, I had to wonder about some people when I read the direction: “To stop appliance remove your fingers from the on/off pulse button.” Really? They have to tell people that?

Of course, I understand it is to prevent lawsuits for people who really are that stupid.

This prompted me to look up other directions. I think some of these the manufacturers just were not thinking when they included them on the packaging; some of the others are for people who really are stupid.

Here are a few of the directions that just make me wonder how the human race ever survived.

On a Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Well, rats! There goes my time-saving idea.)

On a Swanson’s frozen dinner: Serving suggestion: Defrost

On an Iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (Um, did someone try this?)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness (Isn’t that the whole idea?)

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (Why? Wait if someone thought this was a good idea to begin with then they probably shouldn’t have kids anyway.)

In a microwave oven manual: Do not use for drying pets. (No comment…)

On a muffin packet: Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat. (Um, obviously!)

On a box of aspirin: Do not take if allergic to aspirin. (OK again if you have to be told…)

On a bottle of laundry detergent: Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine. (What? Not fair this would make things go so much faster.)

On shin guards: Warning: Shin guards cannot protect any part of body they do not cover. (Why would someone think that they would?)

On a toilet cleaning brush: Do not use orally. (Gross!)

On a bottle of hair dye: Do not use as ice cream topping. (??)

On a toaster: Do not use underwater. (Why would you? The bread would be soggy anyway.)

A sign in a street in Hong Kong: Beware Of People (After reading some of these directions, I tend to agree!)