Debate… what debate?

By By Leada Devaney, Hartselle Enquirer
It's 8 p.m. Tuesday evening. I've encouraged everyone at our office to watch the gubernatorial debate between Congressman Bob Riley and Governor Don Siegelman.
"We need to keep up with the issues," I said.
I turn on the television, ready to be enthralled by the witty comments made by our elected officials.
I made it through the introductions pretty well, but gee, the sound is bad. The candidates sound like they are talking in a tunnel.
Wow, I think I know one of those moderators and I really like her new haircut. I don't know why they selected these people as moderators, though, as I've found newspaper don't exactly make the best television personalities, with emphasis on the word personality. Wouldn't it have been cool if we had someone really important, like former Alabama quarterback Jay Barker or disc jockeys Rick and Bubba as the moderators? Now that would be worth watching.
Wait…I'm supposed to be paying attention to the issues. Must concentrate…
Look at Riley and Siegelman. They've got the hair thing going on, too. You could ski off their swoops, though Siegelman does seem to be losing his at a quicker rate. I wonder how much makeup and hairspray they have on? I wonder who the person is who put it on them? Siegelman sure looks like he's had his teeth bleached.
Stop…this is a serious political debate that could have huge ramifications on the future of our state. It does not matter who the governor's dentist is…
Dentist. I sure do need to make an appointment to go to the dentist. And the eye doctor. Gee, neither one of the candidates wears glasses. I wonder if they are wearing contact lenses. If I was Riley I would come out with those contact lenses that make your eyes look like snake eyes. That would be neat. I would vote for a candidate who was brave enough to wear snake contact lenses…
Contact lenses. Health care. Insurance. What did one of them just say? They were in favor of health care? Well, duh. And what was that? We had to do something to bring more jobs into Alabama? This is from one millionaire to another? What do they know about jobs for the working class or the blue collar blues.
Freedom to the people, I say. Now I would vote for someone who said he worked at McDonald's and sure would like an increase in the minimum wage so he could get his television out of the pawn shop.
Hold it. The candidates are shaking hands. The debate is over. I can't believe I missed the "Anna Nicole Smith" show for that.