How’s this for a sick day excuse?

By Staff
Michelle Blaylock, Mom's Corner
As I was thinking about this week’s article, I began going back over some e-mails and I found one that gave a list of some of the most unusual excuses people have used for their sick days. Here’s a few of them:
1. Employee was poisoned by his mother-in-law. (OK, shouldn’t someone call the police here?)
2. A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house. (I hope she called the game reserve, too.)
3. Employee was feeling all the symptoms of his expecting wife. (Sympathy morning sickness, — um right.)
4. Employee called from his cell phone, saying that he was accidentally locked in a restroom stall and that no one was around to let him out. (What? How’d you do that?)
5. Employee broke his leg snowboarding off his roof while drunk. (And you would admit to this?)
6. Employee’s wife said he couldn’t come into work because he had a lot of chores to do around the house. (Not a good plan if you want to keep your job!)
7. One of the walls in the employee’s home fell off the night before. (Got pictures?)
8. Employee’s mother was in jail. (Huh??)
9. A skunk got into the employee’s house and sprayed all of his uniforms. (Just the uniforms?)
10. Employee had a bad case of hiccups.
11. Employee blew his nose so hard, his back went out. (Have you considered an exercise program?)
12. Employee’s horses got loose and were running down the highway. (Okay, that would be a problem.)
13. Employee was hit by a bus while walking. (Was this the same one that was drunk?)
14. Employee’s dog swallowed her bus pass. (I’ve got four dogs. I’d probably buy that one!)
15. Employee was sad. (Seriously?)
I have to wonder how many of these excuses really worked and if I used any of them if my husband and kids would believe me. As I was trying to get a thousand things done this week, I was wishing I could call in sick as a mother. I’ve tried to. It’s never worked but, I’ve tried to. The problem is a mother lives with her work. I’ve considered various alternatives like running away from home, locking my self in a closet, putting in a large Velcro wall and attaching the kids to it, but in the end I know none of those ideas would work.
You will often find me repeating the phrase, “Children are a gift from God.” Usually at some point during this chant one of my older children or my husband will say, “Yeah, but remember God has a sense of humor. Look at the platypus.” Thanks a lot!
Truthfully, I’ve discovered humor to be a saving grace. I really don’t know how people without humor manage. Don’t get me wrong there are days where I really don’t have a sense of humor and sometimes I don’t see the humor in a situation until after the fact.
Let me give you an example, I’m currently in the midst of making prom dresses. Not too long ago I was talking to one of my daughter’s friends about some of the other dresses I’ve made. One that comes to mind most vividly and was of the first dresses I attempted. My daughter and her friend didn’t decide they wanted to go until about two weeks before the dance. Their dates had no problem getting tuxes and I agreed to make the dresses. All was going well until I ran into an alteration problem and also decided the dress need more tulle. Well, the night before the dance I didn’t go to bed until almost 4 a.m.! OK, here’s a hint for you. If your running on about 3 -4 hours sleep, let someone else press the formal dress. Yep, I had the iron set way to high and melted the front of my daughter’s dress about six hours before they were to leave! In all honesty, I didn’t see any humor in this situation until about a year ago. Now it is kind of funny. By the way, I did manage to get more material and re-make the front of my daughter’s dress. Whew!
It also helps to have children who just manage to say the right thing at the right time to make me stop and laugh. Last week, I was trying to take a shower. The key word is “trying.” About every two minutes there was someone opening my bathroom door! My younger daughters wanted to know if I had any material they could use to sew. My son wanted to know where his other pants were. My oldest daughter wanted to know if I’d seen her purse. My four-year-old was in there for everything! I was getting seriously frustrated. I just wanted 20 minutes to shower and dress. Good grief! The straw that broke the camel’s back was when my four year old opens the door and screams, “Mommy you in here?” I thought, “Yeah, I haven’t had time from 30 seconds ago to get out!” Instead I yelled, “No, she died!” It got very quiet and finally he says, “You not dead! You talkin’.” Four-year-olds can be so perceptive! Darn the bad luck!
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