Good communication is crucial to school success

By By Michelle Blaylock, Mom’s Corner
As my youngest started first grade this year, I wondered what this school year would hold and what difficulties and triumphs it would bring to my child. I also could not help but think back to when my oldest, Adri, started first grade. My biggest relief was that she could use her nickname. We had a little trouble (OK, a whole bunch of trouble!) in kindergarten when she had been required to use her full first name due to school policy.
I had not thought of her name being an issue or I would have tried to prepare Adri for it before we went to orientation. Of course, in her excitement she went into her classroom ahead of me anxious to find her name on a desk while I paused to speak to the teacher with whom I was friends. Adri came back to me very puzzled and said, “Mommy, you said my teacher would have my name on a desk for me.” Her teacher looks at me just as puzzled and replies, “Your name is on a desk, sweetheart. It’s over on the far side by the windows.” I still did not realize the nature of the problem.
Adri smiled, ran off to find her desk and I followed to get the parent information packet. She walked down the row of desks looking carefully at each name. I was a few steps behind, not really paying attention, confident in the knowledge Adri knew her name and I honestly had eyes only for my “big girl.” Adri reached the last desk and looked up at me and said, “Mommy, my name isn’t on any of these desks!” My first thought was, “Oh, the teacher made a mistake and told her the wrong row.” Nevertheless, before I said anything, I glanced back down the row and saw her name — her full name “Adrienne” — not her nickname, “Adri.”
It took the better part of first grading period and her birth certificate to convince her that her full name was her real name. She continued to write it only under protest for the entire year. (She still prefers her nickname and rarely uses her full name!) Her kindergarten teacher felt badly making her write her full name, but it was a school policy and she had to follow the rules. She and I had talked about it and the teacher did her best to “meet in the middle” and used “Adri” when talking to her. Nevertheless, my daughter still had to put “Adrienne” on all her papers. Although Adri did end up having a great kindergarten year aside from the name thing, I was relieved knowing it would not be an issue in first grade.
All the teachers I have worked with want children to succeed and have a great year. It makes the teacher’s job easier, more enjoyable and rewarding. Teachers do not want you to have to force your child to come to school because something has gone askew in the classroom. I am not talking short term “I hate my teacher for assigning this work. I don‘t want to do this worksheet.” I am talking difficulties such as being afraid of the teacher or another student, anxiety issues over what is expected, or a fear of transitions from classroom work to another activity like music or P. E.
If situations like these occur, it is time for a parent-teacher conference. Do not just assume that the teacher is aware of what is going on with your child. Most teachers have 20 plus students in their room and, contrary to what your child may think, I promise you teachers cannot read their students minds. It may also be that the teacher suspects something, but if your child will not open up to him or her it is hard for the teacher to discover the nature of the problem. Remember, you are your child’s best advocate and you still know your child best. I think it is very important, especially in elementary grades, to stay on top of issues pertaining to how a child feels about school.
I am not saying you should run to the teacher every time there is a little spat between your child and another student. Teachers would never have any time to get anything done! Children do need to learn to work out their own differences. Again if a situation is affecting your child wanting to be at school, it is parent-teacher conference time.
I recommend being specific with the teacher as to why you need a conference.
It will help him or her avoid an ulcer. It will also give the teacher the opportunity to make some detailed observations, if necessary. Not that he or she is not watchful at all times, but sometimes it helps to know what to look for. Stating the reason for the conference also helps the teacher know how long to plan the conference. I equate it with going to the doctor. It helps the doctor and his staff to have a general idea why you need the appointment. You would not expect the doctor to just “know” that your head hurts or your fell and your ankle hurts. Communication is the key. I think it is important to prepare for the conference by making a written list of questions or concerns.
It is also important to remain positive. If you start the conference in a negative confrontational way, it is really hard to fix it. Remember most conferences are for one or two reasons. 1) Just an update of child’s progress and what areas need improvement. 2) A difficulty has come up academically or behaviorally. Both of these need to end with problem solving and the ultimate goal of helping your child. Ask for specific examples of what you can do to help your child. Also, ask what the teacher is doing or going to do to help the situation. If your child’s teacher says something you do not understand, ask for clarification.
If your child has developed a fear of the teacher or another student, it is important to track down the root cause or specific incident that created that fear. I have found often times it is simply a misunderstanding between the students or student and teacher. Even if you cannot track down the first incident, patience and reassurance from both teachers and parents can overcome many difficulties.
Last, but not least, be assertive, but patient. Teaching is not an exact science. I hope these tips help you, your child, and his or her teacher have a great school year. If you have a question, comment or suggestion, please e-mail me at: moms-corner@juno.com